Moving Sucks

In my vagabond days I moved at least once a year. In and out of dorms, to my grandparent's house, to an aunt's house, in with a boyfriend, cross country with a boyfriend, home after the break up ... For years all I did was move. It never seemed to phase me until now.  But my realization is that moving sucks. Plain and simple.

As a singleton, I had one room or a one bedroom apartment to move. As a married with children, I have significantly more. And moving with kids is more of a challenge because everything takes twice as long. I pack, he unpacks, the baby cries. I unpack, he repacks, the baby needs to eat. I close up boxes, he reopens them, we stop for snacks and diaper changes. It's an endless cycle and quite frankly I'm over it. Thankfully, this move went relatively smooth considering that my Gramma passed away just days before we moved and we were in complete and udder disarray in both our physical environment and emotional state. In fact, I think the move was just the distraction I needed to get me through the first week after Gramma's passing. (I wasn't avoiding the grieving part, just the public grieving. I prefer to grieve privately so having the excuse of my move allowed me to do that without any questions as to why I chose to be home.) It was kind of therapeutic because the immediate focus was on the task at hand so I could just power through what needed to be done and be alone with my thoughts at the same time without needing to "talk it out" every time I came across something that belonged to or reminded me of her. I'm not doing so well with that now that some time has passed and I am discovering mementos as I unpack.

We had help for several days which allowed us to get things over to the new place quicker than expected. Of course, because it was quicker than we expected, it was slightly chaotic. We had so many boxes in the garage that you could barely see the light of day when the door was open. It is a miracle I didn't trip, break a leg and get buried alive under boxes of bar ware and bathroom linens.  But three weeks in and this place feels more like home than any place else I have lived. We are still slowly unpacking (kids, remember?) and we hardly have anything on the walls and you still can't park a car in the garage but it's coming along. We made a whopping $1,400 at our garage sale  (Go us!) and that has allowed us to purchase the storage items we have needed along with a few goodies to "cozy" up the place. We've got a handle on the storage situations now and are ready to move on to decorating. I'm getting excited about that part. I know once we put our touches on everything this will really feel like home sweet home.

Unexpected Losses & Minor Set Backs

It seems that as soon as things seem to be going smoothly we hit a bump or a pothole or are delayed by a unexpected detour.  Such is life but this "bump" did more than delay me ... it derailed me.

Project Reorganize was in full swing when the call I have dreaded my whole life came in. It was a Tuesday a few weeks ago now. It was around lunch and I had just stepped out of the shower to the chirping of my phone ... 6 missed calls. I knew instantly that something was wrong but nothing prepared me for the news. My sister told me what I have dreaded hearing my whole life. My beloved Gramma had been called home. It was like someone just sucker punched me in the gut. She had been in declining health for some time so it shouldn't have come as a surprise but as much as I thought I was "ready" I felt completely blind sided. Nothing really had changed with her conditions that would have signaled that this was coming. It just happened--with no time to say goodbye. Like the snap of a finger. She was gone. And suddenly I felt lost.

Gramma has been my anchor, my rock. I was her first grandchild and our bond was formed as soon as I entered the world. We've had a close relationship for as long as I can remember. She was not just my grandmother but my friend. When I won an award, she was the one I wanted to call first. When I fought with my parents, she listened without judgement. When I went away to college, she moved me in. When I needed to come home on the weekends, she was there waiting outside my dorm. When I needed to know how to cook my first turkey, I called her ... a million times ... from the grocery store ... and then a million more times from my kitchen. When I needed advice, I asked her. When I didn't know I needed advice, she gave it to me anyway. When I wanted reassurance that I was doing the right thing, going to the right school, headed in the right direction, marrying the right man, she was there supporting me. I was always checking for that look of approval. And she was always there to give it to me. Except the few times when I got the "look." You know the one. The one that said "I'm-so-disappointed-that-I-can't-even-say-anything" look.  Thankfully, those were few and far between.

 

I am grateful that we spent so much time together in the end ... even if the end isn't how I want to remember her. I am grateful that, unlike so many I know, I got 32 and a half wonderful years to make memories with her that are etched into my heart. I loved listening to her stories and watching her work the Sunday crossword puzzle in pen (with whiteout) with her sisters Carole and Franny. I loved that she would drive to Las Vegas to see me on a business trip only to end up gambling and taking tequila shots with my co-workers. I loved teaching her the booty dance at my sister's graduation party (I think that's what it was!). Yep, she was that kind of lady. Always up for anything--no matter how crazy it seemed. She was so full of life and one of the kindest people I have ever known. I could fill volumes with my memories but I'll keep them close to comfort me like she always did.

With Mother's Day only a few short weeks away I have thought about her constantly. While I know I could never be as good as she was, I hope that one day my grandchildren feel the same way about me as I do about her. I have every intention to share her legacy and carry on her traditions so that they can have just a little piece of the joy she brought to us. I think that's what she would want.

Love Affair

I have a confession ... I have a love affair with fabric. Do I sew, you ask? No. Do I re-upholster, you ask? No. Hasn't your mother sewed for years? Yes. Didn't she teach you? I wasn't patient enough to be her student when I was younger. Now, I'm wishing I had. So, I have no skills that I could apply to fabric at all but I still love, love, love fabric.

Like all affairs this one is doomed. I can't commit. I look at a print and think ... "Oh, how I would love to see you hanging from my curtain rods" and instantly follow that up with "But, this one would look nice, too." The choices are endless. I adore so many different styles and patterns that narrowing it to just a couple is virtually impossible for me. I just have the hardest time committing.

In the beginning, my home decor color choices were limited to solids or stripes in the blue-green family because my husband was anti-anything that might be construed as too feminine. It was the "honeymoon phase" and I gladly went along with it because I liked those colors enough to use them and was really just ready to make our house feel like home. Flash forward 7 years and I'm ready to mix it up. It took me awhile but I've gotten him to agree to ... wait for it ... a floral! Gasp! Yes, he agreed and I was so super excited that before he could finish his stipulations ("Nothing too Grandma-y... ") I began scouring the Internet, as I always do, for the perfect print. Problem is that I couldn't pick just one. At this very moment, my desk is covered in 11 different swatches of fabrics that I'm considering for our family/dining room make over. I showed restraint when I picked out just 11 and, honestly, I'll be ordering a few more because I'm just not sure.

I haven't strayed too far from the blue green family but have chosen more vibrant colors and more accents to work with.

My main fabric is this gorgeous floral, for sure ...

I love the big, bold print and the color scheme. I think it will brighten the new family room up nicely and works well with a lot of our existing decor so I won't have to do a full blown make over. It will be more like a mini-face lift. This fabric gives me so many options to work with. I'm thinking of this for curtains for the slider and/or valances over the family/dining room windows.  Not sure though... that's a lot of floral. Ugh! I hate loving something and being so unsure of where to use it!

Anyway, the other fabrics I'm leaning toward are these patterns: 

 

The pea green in the mini chevron shows a little yellow in the image but the swatch matches perfectly to my floral. I didn't get a swatch of the yellow Ikat Dot but I plan to purchase one to make sure the yellows aren't too different.  I'm thinking these for pillows and maybe some place mats. I do have an ottoman that needs recovering but I don't know how I feel about either of these on it. Maybe the mini chevron? What do you think?

I'm loving the spiced carrot in the floral. Orange is such a hot color right now and I'd like to use it but I haven't figured out how to work that in yet. It might simply be with accessories or if I can find the Ikat Dot in that color that could be an option too.


I am 99.9% sure this is what I'll go with but ... I am not sure enough to buy the fabric yet! It's going to cost a pretty penny and, let's face it, I'm, at best, a beginner when it comes to sewing and I don't exactly want to practice with expensive fabric. I'd be a very unhappy camper if I ruined it. Very unhappy. I've considered hiring someone to bring my visions to light but I've said that before and still have a cabinet full of fabric that never got used plus there is extra cost involved. Purchasing this fabric will be my big splurge and I don't want to break the bank so I need to make this work.

Guess, I need to sign up for some sewing lessons. Stay tuned ...

Re-established 2012

Project Reorganize is well under way. Our garage sale is coming up this weekend as long as the weather holds out! We are hoping to off load a bunch of stuff and make a little money. Packing is in full swing and is as organized as packing can be. We spent an entire day prepping meals for the next 2 weeks that will help with the chaos. We're making progress. I know I still have a few more weeks of organizing before I can feel that the goal is accomplished but I'm feeling good about where we are at and am ready to get the ball rolling on Goal Two: Re-establish.

One result of our lack of time and jam packed schedule has been the unraveling of our family routine which is the first thing to be reestablished post move. Over the holidays we had so much going on and the constant visitors seeing the baby and Gramma and then our daily house hunting, moving and packing, it has been hard to keep up with any semblance of a routine. J., our toddler, is a creature of habit and has probably suffered most from the craziness. He's a toddler so he's pushing boundaries as it is but with multiple people to turn to for direction, distracted parents and a major upset in his routine his behavior over the last couple months has been less than desirable. With my Gramma now having moved and the holidays long since over, the visitors have tapered off tremendously and we've been actively working on figuring out and adapting what works for our family so we are hoping to see some improvement on that front. In fact, it is improving already but we're a long way from where we'd like to be.

One-on-one time with each of the kids is also at the top of the list. Having two older kids and two younger ones proves to be tough at times. A. is of an age where she'd rather be solo and  hang in her room which is OK because quite frankly the teen attitude is rearing it's head and I'm not a fan. N. still hangs with us and his brothers but often wants time with just Dad that is hard to give when the little ones are in need as well. Incorporating T. has been harder than I expected. He's tougher than J. who took to a schedule and routine very easily. Little T. needs a little more time to adapt which is making meeting everyone's needs overwhelming at times. J. is still very attached to his Daddy and rarely gets to spend one-on-one time with me because if Daddy is home so is everyone else and when he's gone I've got both boys by myself.  We are trying to carve out some time for us to go to the library for story time just the two of us. I'm hoping to make it a regular thing once we are settled again. Little T. probably gets the most one-on-one time because he needs me so much.

And not to leave anyone out of this ... bringing up the rear (not because it is any less important) is one-on-one time with the hubs. Simply put ... re-establishing our date night. Parents know that it isn't always easy getting out for some alone time with the spouse but it is uber important. Our children learn how to treat others by watching how we treat each other. I want my kids to see the love we share when they look at us and then I want them to take that with them out into the world. So, in the name of the kids, I'm making date night mandatory! :-) We're aiming for at least one night away from the actual house to start.

We did go out once already this month and it was sooo nice. Funny thing was it had been so long since we'd gone out we spent hours trying to figure out what we wanted to do. We were like kids in a candy store... "Oh, we could go for a movie... or down to the beach for dinner ... or... " I'm stock piling a list of date ideas so we don't have to waste so much time figuring out what to do next time. Once we made it out of the house we realized how much we missed the time together. When we aren't able to get away from the house we are trying to make sure we carve out a few hours after kiddo bedtime to sit quietly, share a drink and talk without interruption.

This goal is going to probably take the most effort. It requires us to be actively thinking of this goal all the time and admittedly I've become quite absent minded since my children were born. We get so caught up in the daily grind that it's easy to lose sight of your goals. Our first step is to simplify and slow down. Now, that's a step I can manage. 

Ringing in the New Year ... in early Spring

So after months of hibernation, I'm back to posting. At least I hope. I logged in this morning only to discover an incomplete blog that I started in, um, January. Yes, you read correctly. January. It was all about how I love the New Year, almost as much as I love the first day of school, and my goals yada yada yada. Seems slightly inappropriate now that it's mid-March but since it is driving my focus right now I should touch on it. So here's the slightly adapted version for the Spring.

Spring has sprung peeps. Pollen is in the air and my allergies are going haywire. I feel like my head is going to explode and I sound like Gilbert Godfrey. Not a pretty picture. Nonetheless, I'm excited. I love the Spring. It's a time of new beginnings, of refocusing and reorganizing and with that comes office supplies. Yes, office supplies. One can not reorganize without organizational tools and office supplies. It's a fact.

I know I'm a dork but being organized is almost a religious experience for me. When I'm unorganized I feel like my days get off to a false start. I sort of stumble my way through the day waiting for the synapses in my brain to start working so I can remember what in the Lord's name was I supposed to do today? Maybe I should take this as a clue that I need to jump on the coffee band wagon. Organization offers me clarity and a clear vision of my plan and as I have said before I'm a girl that likes to have a plan. It really does renew my spirit to know that I can start over fresh with the purchase of a new calendar and planner.  Just buying office supplies makes me feel good, productive and excited about what I can accomplish. 

I'm a little slow to get my organizing started this year but I'm cutting myself some slack since I've got a newborn in the house. I used to have a "To Do" list as long as my arm and would routinely cross multiple items off my list each day. Now, it's challenging having two babes in the house so I pick a max of 3 items and try my hardest to get to those. If I do, it is a successful day. If not, oh well, there's always tomorrow. It seems that I can't get them to nap at the same time or long enough for me to accomplish any one task. In fact, as I write this I'm chicken pecking the key board because I'm cradling the littlest while my oldest is driving a toy truck up my leg. Ah, motherhood.

I have taken (3 months ago) the same approach with my New Year's Goals as I do my daily "To Do" list--pick 3 things to focus on. I've got 3 items in mind--reorganization, reestablish and renew. We are about to reestablish ourselves again with another move but before we do that we are tackling the reorganization issue because another unorganized move might send me over the edge.

My biggest problem starting out 2012 is that we ended 2011 with two chaotic months with multiple hospitalizations for my Gramma and myself, the holidays, the birth of my youngest son and a challenging breast feeding experience that literally had me planted on the sofa with either T. or a breast pump attached to my breast. As a result, we've had little time to do much of anything so I'm back logged on just about everything--bill paying, filing, housework, laundry, shopping, etc. This is problematic because a cluttered space equates to a cluttered mind for me and I have a hard time identifying what needs to be done let alone focusing on (or finishing) one task. So, Goal One is to clean up and figure out what needs to be resolved and then stay on top of it. This is a daunting task and has resulted in a massive "To Do" list which was being written on the white board in the office so the hubs can help cross some things off. However, that proved too difficult since we moved our office downstairs and no longer have a constant visual reminder of the whiteboard that is still hanging in the old space. Simple fix is to move the whiteboard but we just haven't gotten around to it. Instead, I have spent hours scouring Pinterest for clever solutions to this problem and in the meantime have concreted my addiction to the Internet. No, really people, I need a support group. Yes, I do understand that I might have spent my time more productively actually DOING things instead of reading about HOW TO DO things but while my addiction can be distracting it has proved to help out tremendously with Goal ONE since I have come across so many tips and tricks to help keep me sane. I have discovered a system that I have put into play and it is working beautifully for my family. It also makes me happy because I got to buy office supplies.

I spent the better part of a day compiling my cleaning list and transferring the tasks onto 3x5 cards. I labeled the tasks that were appropriate for the kids to help out with and then sorted them into and labeled them in categories: daily, every other day, weekly, every other week, monthly, seasonally or quarterly. I purchased a note card holder and a set numbered of tabs so I could file each card into an appropriate day. Each day we pull out the cards under the day, complete those tasks then refile them in the appropriate spot. It's still a work in progress as I plan to add refiling directions on the bottom so the kids can refile without asking "where does this go now?"

Reasons I like this:

1. I have one place for all my tasks and it's not on a notepad that is going to get thrown into the pile of papers that has taken up residence on my counter and forgotten. 
2. The cards make it easy to delegate tasks without having to write another list. I can just put them on a clip on the fridge and remind the kids to check their cards.
3. I can write all the clever, why-didn't-I-think-of-that cleaning tips on the cards so whomever is doing that task knows how to take care of it. 

So far, it's working and I'm kinda excited about it. In the last week, this system has focused me/us enough that I can keep up on my housework and tackle the Spring clean out one task at a time. We've already gone through every room in the house to put things back where they belong (in preparation for the packing set to commence next week) and to purge unnecessary or unwanted items. We've also  done a few of the cleaning items, which is leaps and bounds better than last year when I didn't do ANY of them. We're scheduled to have a garage sale which I hope will fund my reestablishment/renew efforts in the new place. I normally am not a fan of garage sales but I'm really looking forward to it.

I guess I'm spring cleaning out life right now and not just my house. It feels good.

Wait, what year is it? Really? Already? Where did 2011 go?

To date 2011 was been the busiest year of my life filled with both great accomplishments, joys and its fair share of trials and tribulations. I'd love to share them with you but truthfully most of the year was a blur. So here's the recap or at least what I can remember.

I was still working at my middle school when the 2011 rolled into town. We were both employed full time and had a house full of beautiful children. Life was good. 

In February, we started the year by putting our house on the market. We thought this process would be lengthy but much to our surprise it ended up short. Like one week short. Within the week of listing, we had not one but two full price cash offers and were on our way to being homeless. We were thrilled and then panicked all in the same breath. We kicked into high gear, began the escrow process, packing and looking for new digs which turned out to be tougher than we thought. Oh yeah and our oldest celebrated a milestone birthday by turning 13 and officially becoming a teenager.

My assignment ended in March which worked out quite nicely since March was equally as busy since we were knee deep in the house hunt and planning our first real family vacation--a trip to Maui in April.  I'm sure more happened but it is all a little fuzzy.

April brought several events to note on this timeline. We found out we were pregnant again which was an amazing blessing but made moving a bit tough since my husband wouldn't let me lift anything! That didn't stop us from officially moving to our new house on the first. Moving is tough in and of itself but it's even tougher when you are only in your house for less than a week when you need to start packing for your family vacation. We departed our new digs for Maui just one week after moving in. Maui was heaven... except for the plane ride there and back since the little guy didn't want to leave Daddy's arms the whole time. Two days after arriving home, we hosted 20 people for Easter dinner and a small celebration to mark yet another milestone birthday--our youngest turned one! Whew, I'm tired just thinking about it and we're only four months into the year!

Thankfully, the summer was much less hectic. Our middle boy celebrated his first double digit birthday--yet another milestone! My Gramma decided to move in with us so we could help take care of her which was a big adjustment for all of us. We enjoyed a rockin' block party on the Fourth of July with our new neighbors and enjoyed some much needed family time.

In the fall, the school year resumed which meant back to school for both the kids and I. Our taxi cab days resumed with driving the kids to and from all the places they needed to be and we longed for the lazy days of summer. In October and through most of November, we began what seemed like a never ending list of preparations for both the birth of our son and the Christmas holiday which was right after his birth. There was LOTS of shopping during that time as well as several trips to the hospital for both Gramma and I. In late November, our last little blessing made his way safely into the world and our world changed again. His birth rounded out a very busy year and was the best early Christmas gift ever.

December was a month of mixed emotions. Gramma's needs changed dramatically and my ability to help her did as well. Having my son via c-section meant that I was unable to do any lifting and that was a big part of caring for her. Trying to manage scheduling family and care givers to be here for her 24 hours a day, seven days a week for 6 weeks plus readjust to being a new mom proved to be overwhelming and tiring. In the end, Gramma decided it was best for her to move in with my mother. On one hand I am relieved to be able to focus just on my family again but on the other I miss my Gramma and feel like I failed her.

My husband dedicated much of his time this month to a good cause--the Spark of Love Toy Drive. This is always challenging but reached new levels this year. I needed him to help out with the baby (which he did) but he had all the underprivileged children of Riverside needing him to put his full attention to the toy drive so that they could have a merrier Christmas. His obligations to the drive added to the scheduling challenges but we managed to deal with them and as a result 7,000 plus kids had a better holiday.

Sadly, we ended the year with some unfortunate news of the very tragic passing of several family and friends. It was a terrible way to end the year but served as a reminder for us as we entered the new year that life is precious and fleeting. So as we enter 2012 we need to remember to cherish the moments instead of just "get through" them. That is something this family will be doing more of in the coming year.

Easy Come But Not So Easy Go

People are a trip. And I'm not sure I like it anymore.

I used to not pay much attention to the ebb and flow of my relationships because I took for granted that they would always be around. However, in the past few years, I've really noticed how my relationships with people have changed and how people I once felt close to I now am losing respect for which saddens me. Maybe it's the preggo hormones that are making me more sensitive or maybe it's just that I'm tired of people thinking it's okay to treat others poorly, like they are disposable.

I understand that not all relationships come in to your life for life but I guess that I've been fortunate that most of the people whom I would call "good friends" have been friends for 15 years or more. Considering my age, that's something for which I am very proud. I might not see or talk with those people every day as we once did but that's the beauty of good friends... you pick up where you left off. Good friends take you on your good days AND your bad days.

A few years ago I met a person that I thought would become a life long friend. We became close quickly. We had a lot in common and our families traveled the same circles. We enjoyed hanging out together and were planning outings frequently. However, there was a noticeable difference, a turning point if you will, in our friendship after one bad evening on my part. While the details to the night aren't as important as the fact that, in a moment of frustration, I was critical of a particular situation involving this friend. Honestly, I shouldn't have mentioned it but I was frustrated and felt it was appropriate to say. However, I would have let go after getting it off my chest but it seemed that I passed a point of no return and it was the cause for the change. I have no confirmation of this unfortunately because this friend slowly began to ignore me instead of confront the issue and deal with it like I would expect a good friend to do. I don't know why I was surprised because I have watched it happen with this person's other friends but somehow I was shocked. I watched as my invites were turned away for one reason or another and then discovered I was blown off for the new flavor of the month, the new"BFF." Then I watched as invites to events we would have otherwise been at the top of the guest list for suddenly were only extended to our mutual friends. It hurt more than I thought it would and I often debated calling her out on it but felt that it would put undue stress on some mutual parties which I didn't feel was fair so I ignored it which proved to be challenging since we are both regulars on Facebook. 

I've watched similar situations unfold with friends and family members. It troubles me each time I see it. It is understood that relationships evolve and that not everyone is here to stay. Sometimes friendships aren't healthy or you are in them for the wrong reasons and you have to cut ties. My head understands that but then own up to that. Speak your peace and lay your cards on the table so there is no question of why things happened. It's the right thing to do even if it's hard to do because you might hurt someone's feelings. To be honest and not be a hypocrite, there are a few friendships that I have "cut loose" where I haven't explained to the other party my reasons for it because I didn't want to hurt their feelings even though they hurt mine--repeatedly in some cases. I'm working on speaking up and dealing with things when they happen to avoid this in the future but am hopefully that I won't have to do it too many more times because it is difficult every time.  

While this particular friendship has troubled me for some time I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that, unless this friend wants to address it, nothing will change and I need to let it go. I can't change people. I can only change how I deal with them. Tough to say but it's true. Letting go is probably one of the hardest things for me to do especially when there is a lack of closure. I've struggled with it since I was young. I can remember losing a "best friend" to another girl in 6th grade and how much it affected me. I always need to know why.  Over sensitive? Maybe. But in my book a good friend is like family and family is the most important thing.

Heaven on Earth

As I have shared, my son J. has hit the tantrum stage. It's been a very trying couple of weeks as we are learning to deal with this new behavior and I often wonder if we'll make it through. Today I know we will because this morning I was greeted by a familiar little boy. This little boy happily greeted me this morning when I came into his room. He grabbed his truck and blankie and lifted his arms to me waiting for his ride down stairs. He smiled and babbled all the way to the kitchen and while I grabbed his morning milk. Then, he snuggled on my lap for a half an hour! <3 It was heaven on Earth. To feel his warm body nestled into mine, smell the shampoo from last night's bath and listen to the joyful "truck" noises he was making up and down my arms was the best way to be spend the morning. I'm hoping for a repeat now that he's awake from his nap. Here's hoping for another few minutes in heaven.

Hello, My Name is No

When your first child is born you just can't wait for them to hit all those milestones... smile, sit up, babble, laugh, walk, etc. You are so giddy over your little miracle that the reality of what accompanies those milestones seems to escape you. I can say this ... you can run but you can't hide. No matter where you go it will find you. The tantrum, that is.

We've entered a new stage with the bambino. For awhile now, I've been in denial. I was hoping, dreaming, saying a hail Mary really, that it was just teething angst or another ear infection but alas I am sure now that I'm wrong. I'm sure because J.  was just given the all clear on the nagging ear infection and, while he has been teething since the day he was born, his discomfort has never manifested itself quite this way. You know... with kicking, screaming, throwing, hitting and pinching. Ah, yes, it seems the terrible twos are just lurking around the corner ready to sucker punch us into submission. I knew it was coming but can say that I'm really not prepared for this.

I've read my fair share of parenting books and articles. I understand that greeting your enraged child with a sea of calm, explaining and then ignoring their bad behavior is the way to go. Maybe even a time out but let me tell you that more often than not I'm finding myself gradually growing into a category 4 hurricane--totally annoyed and read to rain down with a punishment and am the one who is really in need of the time out. My reaction only frustrates me more because, logically, I know that he's only 16 months old and he doesn't know any better yet so my reaction is quite stupid. All I can say is that it's an emotional reaction not a logical one and I'm blaming it on the baby.  The one that's still in the womb. He's hijacked my immune system and is sucking up my energy like a Capri Sun which leaves me feeling like I'm running on empty at a time when it's best to be fueled for the long haul. Disciplining a headstrong toddler is an all day, every day event that requires mental and physical preparation much like training for a marathon. While I could use the preparation I just can't seem to muster the patience to tolerate it. I mean, let's be real, who feels like training when you feel like the Mrs. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man--huge and about to combust due to the wicked heat/humidity? Um, short answer, not me!

But I have to--for the sake of my little J. and his unborn brother. I do not want to be that mom. I need to tackle this stage like I would anything else--armed with information, a lot of rest and a good hiding spot. My hope is that I can survive the next few months and regain enough energy to deal with the year that follows. I know this is a stage and it, too, shall pass. I just prefer it to pass while I am still relatively sane, before J. thinks his name is "No!" and I've gone mad at the sound of hearing my own voice on repeat.

P.S. If anyone has good reading materials on taming the toddler, I'd love to hear your recommendations.

9/11/01: Ten Years Later

Ten years ago today I was just outside Camp Pendleton in my Oceanside apartment awaiting news on when I could pick up my then-boyfriend from his float overseas. It had been months and I was excited to see him. I was picking out the perfect outfit for his return when my phone rang. I jumped with anticipation but soon realized it wasn't the call I was expecting to get. I know that I wasn't the only one who received a call they weren't expecting to get that day as soon as my friend Lou told me a plane flown by terrorists hit the World Trade Center and it was collapsing. I was stunned when my all my TV would show me were these horrific images. I simply couldn't believe my eyes. I cried like I have never cried before. 

I still cry. I'll cry every time I see it. It is a memory I could never erase even if I tried. The heartbreaking stories are seared into my mind. It's probably the reason why I have avoided the news this week. Now, ten years later, I'm married to a fireman and have children. It is as real today as it was ten years ago but it hits home more deeply than ever and I think my heart breaks more now. I can't bear to think of those poor babies who were robbed the opportunity to know their daddies--it just tears me up inside and scares me due to my husband's line of work. I can't bear to think of those firemen running up those stairs trying to save whomever they could when I'm sure they wanted to run out of there just as bad. We joke about how firemen sit around the station all day, cooking and playing cards but when the bell rings it's a whole different story--ask the friends and families of the 343 NY firemen who died.  I can't bear to think of the 2,977 people who died and what their families had to go through. I can't bear to think of those who are STILL fighting for our freedom both on the home front and overseas. It brings me to tears just thinking about it.

So, well, I will not be watching a full day of coverage today I will be doing what those people will never get the chance to do ... hugging my kids, spending time with my family, feeling my unborn son move and thanking God that I'm here to do that. I'll also be thanking him for the police, fire, EMTs, and military service men and women who give unselfishly their time and lives to protect us--truly no greater sacrifice could be made.  

And I promise that I will NEVER forget.

10 Things I Love About My Dorky Husband

This is for you babe.

Since I've started blogging my hubs seems to be under the impression that all I do is complain about him online to people around the world. Obviously, he's not a reader or he'd know the truth but I won't hold that against him. But as I teased him about his obvious misconception of what I'm doing here I thought that maybe he deserved a blog. Just for him. Just about him.

After having been "off the market" for four years and suddenly back in dating world that seemed so incredibly foreign to me, I was sceptical that I would ever meet someone that was "perfect" for me. I had been through a tough cross country break up and a series of poorly matched clingy pseudo relationships that had soured my view on dating. Meeting the right guy felt impossible. I wasn't a bar hopper anymore and the options of men at work were at the time, dismal, to say the least.  So I ventured into the world of online dating which I found to be much like being a contestant on that old game show "Press Your Luck." As I pulled up my matches I was secretly hoping for "no whammies." When I came across C.'s Match.com profile, he was cute but not in a boyish sorta way. He looked like he could handle himself and was confident so I decided to check his credentials. He was divorced (twice, I would learn later) with kids. Double whammy. (Or triple if you count the second divorce.) Damn! Only one whammy away from disqualification.

I will admit that I don't know what came over me because prior to this point in my life those two items would have been immediate deal breakers but I suppose that what had been my qualifications before weren't working out so well so I guess maybe I felt that I needed to try something new--take a chance. There was something about him and he was awfully cute. Maybe it was that he liked baseball which is something I've always enjoyed but never seemed to share with previous beaus. So I send a flirty email saying that as long as he doesn't like the Yankees we are good. WHAMMY NUMBER FOUR! He's a life long Yankee fan. This should have been grounds for disqualification BUT I continued to press my luck, as they say. And it's a good thing I did because come to find out--the guy whom I thought would be my worst possible match ended up being a perfect fit.

He's the love of my life. He's everything and everybody to me. He wears so many hats that he's taken on new pet identities for all of them that he only shares with me. So, for my hubs, here are 10 reasons why I love you. They are not the only reasons I love you but some of my favorites.

10. You not only watch chick flicks with me but you actually enjoy them and have been known to call me on the phone to tell me when your favorite ("How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days") is on so we can watch it together.
9. You sing wildly off key and with the wrong words to any eighties tune you hear on the radio.
8.  You think you are going to get toned out at home and therefor must leave the van door open so you can get to your call on time. :-)
7. You still try to woo me even after six and half years of being together.
6. You cook and clean! (God love you for this one!)
5. You love baseball as much as me. Go Braves! ;-)

4. You are always my rock--so calm when there's an emergency or when I'm scared. 
3. Your family is always priority number one and despite how tough it can be sometimes you do what good men do--fight the good fight regardless of how tired or scarred your heart might be.
2. You are an amazing father--truly the best I have ever known. Our kids are lucky to have you.
1. You have given me everything I could ever want--you and our kids!


I love you more than I could ever express and thank God for you daily. I look forward to a long, happy marriage with you watching our babies grow and our hair grey... ok, well my hair grey. :-)

Now, you can say that I've blogged about you. Are you happy? :-)

To Work or Not To Work?

Many new moms struggle with the great work debate--stay home or go back to work? It's an easy decision for some and everyone has their own reasons to be for it or against it. Whatever their choice is I envy the people who had no problem making that choice because, even though I don't consider myself a "new" mom anymore since my son is now 16 months old, I'm still as unsure of where I stand on this as I was the day he was born. I mean I know what my husband and I discussed and decided was best for the fam but somehow I always find myself straddling the fence.

Being a stay at home mom is awesome. I love spending the time with my son; watching him grow and change in the subtlest ways every day. I enjoy not missing his firsts. I enjoy the freedom (to some degree) to make my own schedule and spend it with the people of my choice. I love that I can send J. to daycare not because I have to but because I want him to have a change of pace or so I can take a mental health day. I love that being home gives me flexibility to care for my grandmother and see my hubby when he's off. It's all great but part of me yearns for something different and misses earning a paycheck which would be beneficial to my family right now.

Due to the changes to our family this year--Gramma moving in, a kiddo needing childcare and another baby on the way--my husband and I decided that it was best for me to continue to substitute teach instead of seeking full time work. It's a smart choice ... I think. Taking on a full time position as a first year teacher comes with a certain amount of stress and I would be concerned that, due to family obligations, I would not be able to devote the amount of time necessary to get the job done right.  Subbing is easy teaching. I come in a teach. There is no planning, grading, or meetings. (Unless, of course, I take a long term position and then that's all out the window.) It provides a small additional income and offers a flexibility that other full time positions would not which is always welcome when you are married to a fire fighter with a wacky schedule. I can choose when I work which helps to cut down on child care costs and allows me to address my family's needs without having to balance work commitments.  It's a win-win, right? Yep, but then can someone explain to me why is it every time I back in a classroom I question my choice?

Today, I was back in the classroom for the first time this year subbing for a friend and it felt good. I realized I missed it--teaching, the classroom, that part of my personal identity and just working in general. It felt good to interact with the students and other teachers; to engage in more adult conversation. It felt good to be doing something I love and let that side of my personality out for awhile. It felt just as natural as being home with J. There are a few positions out there that I could apply for and even though it's highly competitive I think I'd have a good chance but would I just be asking for trouble my applying? I mean if I get an interview or am a possible candidate then I'd be in a predicament that would put some strain on my family. Yes, I'd be working again which would be good financially but then I have to see less of the family, pay for child care and make other arrangements for my Gramma, who I have committed to take care of. Not to mention that I'd have to take a maternity leave in the middle of the year. Seems like good reasons to not apply but on the other hand not applying to things seems silly too because if I ever want to work full time in education I feel like I can't pass on any opportunity because who knows when it will come around again.

If only it was easier ... 

Anyway

My last couple of posts have been heavy with negativity, stress and just plain ol' anger. In the last week, this quote has made its way to me in various forms. I'm taking it as a sign from God that I need to change my approach. I have it on good authority that this lady knows what she's talking about.  

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

Simply put but deeply touching to me right now. It's as if Mother Teresa was speaking right to me, infusing in me the strength to be my best self and nudging me to move in the right direction as I'm standing here debating the directions life could take/has taken. The right direction might not always be easiest but I need to take it anyway.

I'm vowing that I'm going to try my hardest to live by these words. I'm going to recognize what is negative in my life but try to stop focusing on it. I have the power to change how I deal with people and things. I need to start letting go of the negativity. During my premarital counseling, our counselor told us that people are creatures of habit. If someone always turned left why would you expect them to turn right? He told us to expect the left turn then it won't be so upsetting and we could move on from it more easily. I think we've lost sight of that. My husband and I have said, that in the past couple of months, we've hit the "reset" button on our life. We've made big changes that in the long run will be way better for us but in the short term have been tough. We have spent too much time focusing on how hard those changes have been instead of how they are a step in the right direction. It's time to stop being a Negative Nelly. Life is too short and we need to be more appreciative of the goodness that surrounds us.

I'm going to try to start focusing on the positive. To surround myself with positive people and make my own happiness.

 Thanks for the reminder, God.

Keep the drama for yo' mama

Last post I talked about an issue that I have contemplated and agonized over for some time. It really tore me up and left me both physically and mentally exhausted this week. I expressed concern about how the people closest to me will likely be the ones quickest to judge my decision on this issue. Monday my husband and I had one of those tough conversations and sure as the sun rises each morning--the judgments, accusations of selfishness and our unwillingness to help out started rolling in and effectively making me out to be the bad guy for asking for something for myself. Boy, do I know my family well. This will be short and sweet because quite frankly there isn't much to say on this topic because I'm over it. O-V-E-R it. So here it is... are you ready?

Keep the drama for yo' mama.

Yep, you might be someone I care about but I don't care for your judgment, criticism, drama or being forced to do things your way simply because it's the way the easiest for you. I'm genuinely sorry that it bothers you that I would stand up and ask for something for my self and my family. I'm sorry if you feel that makes me selfish and/or oblivious to "doing the right thing." Welcome to the real world where everything isn't black and white but rather varying shades of gray. What is right for me may not be right for you but that doesn't make it wrong or make me a bad person for asking for it. It makes me a human and it a difference of opinion.

But for the record let me say that I'm tired, tired, tired, sick and tired of being judged, of having to stand up and defend my decisions. (Did I mention that I am sick and tired? Because in case I didn't ... I'm sick and bloody tired of it!) I have no problem standing up for my decisions because they are MINE! But it is not my job to take responsibility for the rest of my family's choices. The choices they make are for them to deal with.  I have HUGE issues with people not taking responsibilities for their own actions and putting blame on someone else. I'll accept my fair share of blame when its warranted but if people don't like the consequences for their decisions that they made then, well, deal with it! But please don't project your negativity into my house or direct it at me because you don't want to or can't handle your own business!  I have enough on my plate I don't need to add others stuff to it as well. I'm sorry if that comes across selfish or rude but I know what's best for ME and since I'm the only one who is looking our for MY best interest I'm going to do what I need to do, regardless. I don't want or need nor did I ask for the drama. We were well stocked on issues that are surrounded by drama in this household long before this came about and we have no room for more. So, if you--family, friend or foe--don't like the people in MY house, the way I lead MY life, run MY house, or MY requests or decisions about ANY of those things, by all means, mind YOUR own business and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Time to Put My Big Girl Pants On

I've started this blog at least 4 times and each time it seems unfocused and disorganized ... kinda like me. I think this is because I have a lot weighing on my mind and as I put pen to paper, per se, it is far more complicated than I first thought when I sat down. What is this overly complicated topic you wonder? It's family. Has there ever been a more complicated word?

In the past few years and even months, I've discovered a few things about family. My first realization was that my mother was right. Yep, put it in the record book. She was right. She always said growing up that "you can pick your nose but you can't pick your family." (Even though on numerous occasions I would have liked to do just that.) So in an effort to pick one strand of this very complicated weaving called family,  I think I'll start with this realization. Hopefully, it won't unravel into a mess of other strands.

When I travel down memory lane, my childhood memories are not all roses and rainbows. I wish they were but truth be told, there is a significant amount of them that, to this day, frustrate, confuse and anger me. Don't get me wrong--it wasn't all doom and gloom but enough of it was negative to taint how I feel about my childhood and to have carried over in the form of personal issues that I still deal with today. A lot of what troubles me about my childhood was, as I'm sure any good therapist would tell me, out of my control (as it is for most kids) and not my fault. I see that now, however, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with when you're young and without any choice. It's a crappy feeling knowing that you are in for a rough one and your hands are tied. It sucks knowing there's nothing you can do about it, because, as a youngster you have no control (or very little) over the outcome yet it ultimately affects you in ways you could never have imagined. You didn't get to "pick" your family or their choices. You are just along for the ride and have to deal with what is sent your way. It was something that I always felt was unfair growing up, not that I think there was much alternative, but nonetheless it just didn't feel right.

There are times, as an adult, that I feel the same way although I have more control (or at least I'd like to think I do) then I did as a youngster. It took me a long time to come to terms with some of my family dynamics mainly because, as a child, I didn't have the ability to see the "whole" story or fully understand the reasons behind events. Not that I can say I've cleared that hurdle completely yet but I'm working on it. This coming to terms wasn't without many tears and a boatload of heartache. It was difficult. It still IS difficult. I came to a lot of really tough realizations that even now or hard for me to share because they feel wrong even though I know in my heart they are right. For instance, I love my family but I do not have to like them. It's OK to care for someone deeply but not like their actions or how they make me feel. It's OK to acknowledge that even familial relationships are not always good for you. It's OK to speak up and say "I don't need this in my life." It's OK to say no to family. Seems simple enough but that was probably the toughest lesson for me to learn. I have always struggled with the "obligation" of loving someone (or guilt for not wanting their negativity) because they are family and the constant losing battle of maintaining relationships based on that. I'm sure you've heard "oh, but she's my mother" or "he's my dad, what can I do?" This would have been a classic response from me years ago. I know that I can't change my family but I now know that I can choose to limit or not to be a part of a relationship or situation that doesn't leave me feeling good or have my best interest at heart. I've learned to recognize when a situation, a relationship, a friendship, a whatever, is no longer good for me and that it's time to say enough is enough. It is a powerful realization that comes with consequences as well. I'm sure many of my family reading this won't like that hearing that but it's my truth and I'm going to try to own it.

I'm struggling with this today. It's not with a person or a memory, per se, but with a situation. A situation that is leaving me feeling like I did as a kid--with little to no choice or control.  There is no truth to that because as adult everyone has choice and control but that is how I am feeling. I guess I'm back to struggling with the "obligation of doing what's right because it's family that I love" instead of what I think will probably be best for me, my immediate family and my sanity in the long run. I'm back to feeling stressed, crappy and agitated which is genuinely annoying because I CHOSE this situation and this is a consequence that is impacting my well being and that of the ones I love. I feel guilty because doing what's best for me seems like taking the easy way out and will put burden on others in my family which is leaving me feeling very conflicted. This situation is tougher than I imagined and I know that some tough conversations need to be had but I'm finding it difficult to have them for a couple of reasons. For one, I'm in a role I never expected to be in and I'm not 100% comfortable being in. It's put me at the center of family concern and drama which is a spot I have avoided like the plague. In addition, I find myself in a bit of a role reversal so I'm not sure how to have this conversation with people who have always played parental type figures in my life and, as I mentioned before, speaking up comes with consequences and it's those consequences I'm struggling with. It may be shocking to some of my family and friends that I'm worrying about those consequences because, in my younger years, I've been known to be the outspoken one who didn't really care about what the consequences were but after seeing the consequences to that approach I've worked hard over the years to install and regularly use my filter. I choose my words more carefully and, while I'm still not one to sugar coat the truth, I am not as shoot-from-the-hip as I once was thought to be or, at least, my aim has improved and I keep my gun holstered until its use is warranted. :-) And I care, more importantly, about what people think.

The people that will be affected by my words are people that I care for deeply and do not want to hurt. People I do not want to disappoint, anger or fail. People who have always been there for me and that I want to be there for in their time of need. People whose opinions matter but who, unfortunately, I feel  will be the first to judge me. The problem, I fear, is that no matter what I say, how it is said or how reasonable the request for boundaries and/or change might be to anyone not directly involved it will not be taken that way because these people are family and family play by different rules. Rules that are not always fair and will leave someone feeling bad when it should be just the opposite.

I don't know how to solve this one without there being some casualty and I fear the consequences so right now this remains unresolved and will stay that way until I am able to put my big girl pants on a speak up and deal with the consequences.

Banning Kids?

A friend of mine posted an interesting article on Facebook not long ago about how mainstream society and big business is thinking about, and in some cases, already banning children from certain locations. No kids in first class. No kids under 6 at nicer restaurants. No kids at the movies. No kids at the grocery store ... seriously? It got me thinking. I'd like to ban some people, too.

I'd like to ban the rude people who don't bother to look behind them when backing out therefor almost hitting me and/or taking up the whole lane in the parking lot and then looking at me like I'm the crazy one for being on their side of the lane. I'd like to ban the people at the grocery store who just park their cart in the middle of the aisle like they own the place and then seem peeved when I have to squeeze past them. I'd like to ban all the people who talk or text during the movie that I occasionally get to see and would like to watch in peace and quiet. I'd like to ban the people who see a pregnant woman with a child in a stroller and an elderly grandmother with a walker and don't bother to hold the door open. I'd like to ban the people who stare at me if my child so much as makes peep when we are at a restaurant. I don't care where you send them just don't let me see them again.

Kids, especially little ones, don't always know that what they are doing is inappropriate or bothersome--they are still learning. Most of the time I think they aren't doing it on purpose and even if they do, most responsible parents will remove them from the situation until they can be controlled. The jerks above do know what they are doing and do it anyway. I'm subjected to their behavior regardless of whether or not I want to be so why not ban them.  If you are going to ban a hardworking parent with a limited schedule who might be trying to enjoy a night out or feed her family because her kid is less than a perfect angel all the time then why not ban the rude, inconsiderate jack asses out there? Banning children is discrimination in my book. Not just against the kid but the parent as well. I'm not saying that I don't agree that children shouldn't be in certain situations but blanket bans like these seem unfair.

Wanted: Personal Assistant for Pregnant Woman with Too Much on Her Plate

At the start of the summer life felt like it was hurtling out of control. Both C. and I were wondering how things seemed to go so haywire and then we remembered. In the spring, we sold our house in less than a 2 months, packed our house, moved, unpacked, found out we were pregnant, went to Hawaii with our kids, helped Gramma move in with us, celebrated birthdays/holidays and before we knew it it was June and things were falling through the cracks out of sheer lack of time. We were both grateful that the school year was over so that we could spend some time getting things back in order and figuring out our next steps. We spent July hanging out with our kids and finally getting rooms decorated, the mountain of boxes unpacked, fixing some things that were nagging at us. It was nice. We settled in and things have really started to feel like "normal," at least relative to our life anyway. Then this week happened.

I woke up early this week and it dawned on me. While I was busy focusing on all the other things that had been ignored all spring, I ignored another very important life changing fact. I'm going to be a mother again in just 3 short months and I've done NOTHING to prepare. For those of you who know me, you know that this is not the norm. I like to prepare for everything I can way ahead of schedule and know the plan. I'm this way to the point that it can be nauseating. I've been told that I can be too efficient in handling my family's business and that I over plan--that I'm too business and not enough fun. I won't argue with that because I can be but it's always with the best of intentions and with the goal of making life easier down the line. So naturally, I flipped out when this little nugget of info was discovered on my plate and instantly morphed into my alter ego. I started plotting, planning, measuring, researching, pricing and, in the process, driving my husband nuts.

What can I say? My son is due the Monday after Thanksgiving and while I will be eternally grateful for the blessing I need to make sure I've got my Ps and Qs in order or the fall/early winter will be more hectic than the spring. I mean we've got school starting at the end of the month which means we resume our roles as taxi cab driver, extra-curricular activity coordinator and homework adviser. Oh and part time work for me (which is another blog by itself). We've got our anniversary, a baby shower and Halloween in October, 3 birthdays (prior to T.'s birth) in November, Thanksgiving dinner (which we will be hosting for my ever growing family), Spark of Love activities for C. and Christmas preparations which is a full time job in and of itself. And I need to prepare both my home and my mind to bring another life into the world. I know that I'm going to have to rein in my expectations for this holiday season so a lot of things I'd normally do, or I like to do, are likely not to get done since I'm going to need to work on the more important items. Bottom line... I simply do not have time to be lazy this fall.

So my mad dash has commenced. I've started registering for some things--partly because if I don't I won't remember what I need and partly because of the baby shower. I've researched strollers and our nursery furniture. I've started sorting through all J.'s clothes to pull out goods for T. I've squared away the major details of the baby shower with my sister. I just need to order a few things online. I've picked out a birth announcement/Christmas card so those won't (hopefully) fall by the wayside. I've started discussing the Christmas decorating/shopping (Lord, help me!) with the hubs and have some tentative plans on what's going to happen there. Yet, despite all these preparations I still feel like dazed and confused. AND for whatever crazy reason I got the "creative" bug today while I was browsing Etsy and have added some projects that I'm sure I will drop like a hot potato next week because I'll realize that I'm trying to take on the world again. Ugh.

I know my awesome, do-it-all sidekick/husband will help and somehow it will get done. It will be a challenge for sure but we'll manage. Just don't freak out if you find a hugely pregnant women rocking back and forth on the laundry room floor mumbling something incoherent and frantically cross off and adding things to her notepad. It's only me. :-)

The Defense Mechanism

God help us, we have arrived in the land of 'tweeners and teenagers. It was a landing my husband and I knew was coming yet it still felt as though we were blindsided and hurdled full bore into an unprepared crash landing. The teen world is a whole new world with a whole new set of rules (and just when we thought we were getting the hang of kiddo rules!). To be fair, I'll say the "transition" has been, um, interesting. Our biggest hurdle to date is A.'s unwavering support/defense of her mother.

A. is what I would consider a bit immature for her age. Not in a goofy sort of way but rather still very naive and sheltered for her age so one afternoon when she arrives home from her mother's announcing that she "needed to speak to Dad and M. in the kitchen" we knew something was changing. Amused by such a grown up show of communication my husband and I followed her into the kitchen where we were floored when she very openly announced to us that she had started her period. I am not sure if was the announcement itself or the fashion that it was delivered that surprised us most. This type of behavior is very much out of her character. Or so we thought. And it signaled a big relational shift we didn't see coming.

Since the "big" announcement and the arrival of erratic female hormones, A. has begun to shift her relational center of gravity back toward her mother which is causing the familial divide we often experience to expand. For a while we really felt like A. was a neutral party--not favoring one parent over the other. She was content to spend time at both homes, share in our traditions equally and was comfortable in building on our step-mom-daughter relationship. However, as a young woman in transition she needs her mother more which is a natural reaction and a change I can accept.

What I am peeved about, if you will, is what feels like the constant attitude and her unwavering defense of her mother and anything her mother would want. It isn't that I wouldn't expect her to defend her mother but she blindly does it without knowing the facts, without realizing that the opinion she is giving really isn't her own and that she is being used as a pawn to further her mother's "agenda" (for lack of a better word) and she sometimes does it with complete disregard to her dad's feelings. A. is full of excuses and they are just that--excuses with no real fact behind them. A.'s attitude may be just those teen hormones kicking in but it often feels like it is her declaration that her mother is perfect and can do no wrong and that we are tragically flawed.


Several examples of this behavior come to mind. Not long ago, there was some confusion about a parent teacher conference. A.'s mother is the primary contact for schooling and was notified that the conference was scheduled, then canceled and then rescheduled sometime later. However, only the initial scheduling and cancellation were communicated to C. so he missed the rescheduled conference. Naturally, he was upset. After picking up the kiddos, A. smartly tells her dad that he forgot; that her mother told him. C. had to remind A. that he has not missed anything that was related to them in sometime and would not have missed this if he had known. Yet, A. still defends her mother on this one.

Another behavior that we deal with often is A.'s mother's inability to be on time. For anything. Ever. A.'s defense of her mother is "well, she has kids" which I find amusing because, um, so do we. She explains that it is hard for her mother to get everyone out of the house, with everything they need on time. I admit. It isn't easy but we manage to do it on a daily basis with a toddler in tow and when, on the rare occasion that we are late, we a) call and say so and b) accept responsibility for it. A.'s mother on the other hand just always seems to have an excuse.


One of the most blatant displays of tardiness came one Sunday. A. and her brother N. attend a children's program at a local church about 2 blocks from their mother's home--literally within walking distance. A. was asked to read at both of the church's services--one at 8:30 and one at 10:30. She was very excited. My husband sent his ex a text Saturday night and told her we would be at the 8:30 service to watch. He rushed home from his job which is about a 30 min. drive, showered, changed and rushed another 20 minutes up to the church. We arrived a few minutes early, found our seats and waited. We watched the children pile in the church but there was no sign of A. The children read and performed their song and departed the church. It was over in about 10 minutes and A missed the whole thing. As we were leaving, A. and her mother arrived. The excuse this time was that N. was sick with a sore throat and she was under the impression that they needed to be here at 8:30. Um, either excuse is not a reason to be late. There were 3 other adults at A.'s house that could have taken care of N. for the 20 minutes she would have been gone and she arrived at 8:45 so she would have STILL been late despite their starting promptly at 8:30. On top of that A.'s mother drives by the marquee in front of the church stating the service times weekly and has done so for at least 3 years.


I am a realist you see and I believe in representing things the way they ACTUALLY are versus how I want to see them. I accept responsibility for my actions, good or bad, and wish other people would too. I don't care if A. defends her mother. Really, I don't. I just want her to do it with a clear, unbiased perception and to use logic and reason when she does it. I want her to take into account all the facts and the history behind these actions. And more importantly, I want her to understand that sometimes when there really is no defense for poor behavior it is OK to admit that her mother (or even herself) was wrong.

Ladies & Gentlemen, step right up ...

Our family unit has been experiencing a lot of change in the past few months. Not that is different than any other time but it seems as if these changes are coming in rapid succession making them harder to juggle. This is tough for me to admit because I've always secretly  aspired to be super mom--she who can handle all, quickly, effectively, efficiently, pleasing everyone and doing it with style and grace and a smile on my face. Um, yeah. Who am I kidding? Blame society, blame my perfectionist tendencies, blame TV moms out there who solve the world's problems in 30 minutes. Blame who or whatever you want because no matter who or what is to blame I've set myself up for failure because it's impossible to be everything to everyone, do everything for everyone, be everywhere at once and to do it all without falling to pieces. 

Motherhood, no scratch that, life is a balancing act. We are all tight rope walkers with too many balls in the air. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm a tight roper walker who is walking high above a deep body of water, which is my probably one really irrational fear, and there is some unknown force down below that keeps yelling up "Just one more ball, OK? You can do it, right? You've done so well with all the others. You can handle it." Problem is that this tight rope walker is pregnant and if you've ever been pregnant you know your center of gravity is off and that every brain cell you have in your head (whatever was left after the last baby) is going to the task of growing that little person. Not a good position for a tight rope walker to be off kilter with a foggy brain trying to juggle all those delicate balls--baby growing, toddler, husband, kids, grandmother, house, finances, schedules, chores... the list goes on. Eventually, something has got to give. But what?

So I guess that's where I am at... what gives? It's not as if you can give back any of those things and I really wouldn't want to. All of the things that cause me stress are the things that are most important to my life which is why I worry about them. How do I keep it all balanced? What I really have to give back is the notion that I can do it all and to stop comparing myself to the people who appear to be doing it because just like the tight rope walker at the circus... not everything is as it appears. I simply can't. That might be the toughest lesson of all. I'm only one person and, unfortunately, I'm not a super hero. Just a circus act. :-) 

Momnesia: The Result of my Alien Encounter

Yesterday, as I was frantically trying to select and coordinate frames at Aaron Bros. before my child, who was over due for a nap, boarded the train to Melt Down City, I had a fabulous thought about a blog topic. I'd tell you what it was but with J. screeching and running at warp speed through a store full of breakable items with his daddy-turned-parrot in tow repeating "No, J. Don't touch that," I was completely distracted and I forgot it.  As quick as I had that thought, it was gone. I actually wonder if it happened or if I just imagined it. A moment of panic set in. I used to be razor sharp. I would remember everything for everyone and now? I'm losing my marbles and I need to find them. Quick. I'm only 30-ish. Could it be early Alzheimer's I thought? Oh no ladies the answer is much simpler. It's a complicated medical condition called Momnesia a.k.a. Pregnancy Brain.  It affects hundreds of thousands of women each year and can be quite debilitating--names of your children... gone from memory. Grocery list you used to be able to remember by heart ... a thing of the past. That important meeting at school ... um, what meeting? Don't panic though. The good news is there is treatment. However, before we get to the treatment. Let's discuss the cause.

Bottom line, babies have us fooled. Underneath that cute, cuddly, soft, sweet smelling (sometimes) exterior they are tiny aliens who have come to Earth to suck the brains out of all their hosts. With our natural resources on board their little bodies they begin their quest for total world domination. (Okay, they start with toy domination and work their way up but you get my drift.) Left with a brain void of operating brain cells, mothers everywhere end up wandering around the house like zombies from Shaun of the Dead. OK, at least this is what it felt like at Aaron Bros. Babies, I'm afraid, are the only known cause for Momnesia.

In case you weren't aware, frame selection is a tough task with the multitude of choices, sizes and finishes. It can be overwhelming for anyone but for a sufferer of Momnesia it is downright impossible. Despite my best attempts to ignore the commotion running up and down the aisles, I couldn't seem to formulate a complete thought. I'd start to say something and ... nothing would come out. Reese, the salesperson, looked at me confused. "Can I help you ma'am?" Um, yes. You can start by not calling me ma'am and then you can find me a mat to fit this frame because I don't have the brain power to do it.

This isn't the first time the symptoms have occurred. I have simply been ignoring them hoping this condition would correct itself. I've forgotten my mother-in-law's birthday, to pay bills, my own social security number and conversations with my husband ... 30 seconds after we have them. The other day when I made, what must have been the 100th trip upstairs (tough work for a preggo), and  I got to the top of the stairs I forgot why I was there. Infuriated I walked back downstairs only to remember on the last step what I had intended to do/get. It was as if my brain was short circuiting like a computer and that I was only minutes away from getting the blue screen of death. Most sufferers experience these symptoms for a minimum of 9 months and often for a year or possibly two after the alien invasion. Keep an eye out for these symptoms and seek help as soon as your condition has been identified.

It wasn't until dinner that I figured out what was really happening. It's a couple of things, actually. As previously stated, babies are aliens. And we all know from those horrible sci-fi movies we've watched over the years, aliens come with special skills that we mere humans do not possess. First step is to cripple us by sucking our brain cells dry then step two is they continue to control the few we have left. It kinda works like a radio scrambler. Everything is coming in loud and clear and then ... WHAM! The baby/alien starts screaming or whining and your thoughts are suddenly scrambled beyond recognition. Sneaky little crumb suckers.

So on to treatments. In an effort to prevent mothers from wondering where they parked the mothership or who exactly the leader is around here, you must immediately and as frequently as possible mother's need to sleep, focus on one task at a time (ha!), "back up" your brain by commencing the note taking, list making and setting reminders, share your important forget-me-nots via adult conversation preferably with someone less affected than you, and laugh at your forgetfulness as much as possible. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine.