Our family unit has been experiencing a lot of change in the past few months. Not that is different than any other time but it seems as if these changes are coming in rapid succession making them harder to juggle. This is tough for me to admit because I've always secretly aspired to be super mom--she who can handle all, quickly, effectively, efficiently, pleasing everyone and doing it with style and grace and a smile on my face. Um, yeah. Who am I kidding? Blame society, blame my perfectionist tendencies, blame TV moms out there who solve the world's problems in 30 minutes. Blame who or whatever you want because no matter who or what is to blame I've set myself up for failure because it's impossible to be everything to everyone, do everything for everyone, be everywhere at once and to do it all without falling to pieces.
Motherhood, no scratch that, life is a balancing act. We are all tight rope walkers with too many balls in the air. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm a tight roper walker who is walking high above a deep body of water, which is my probably one really irrational fear, and there is some unknown force down below that keeps yelling up "Just one more ball, OK? You can do it, right? You've done so well with all the others. You can handle it." Problem is that this tight rope walker is pregnant and if you've ever been pregnant you know your center of gravity is off and that every brain cell you have in your head (whatever was left after the last baby) is going to the task of growing that little person. Not a good position for a tight rope walker to be off kilter with a foggy brain trying to juggle all those delicate balls--baby growing, toddler, husband, kids, grandmother, house, finances, schedules, chores... the list goes on. Eventually, something has got to give. But what?
So I guess that's where I am at... what gives? It's not as if you can give back any of those things and I really wouldn't want to. All of the things that cause me stress are the things that are most important to my life which is why I worry about them. How do I keep it all balanced? What I really have to give back is the notion that I can do it all and to stop comparing myself to the people who appear to be doing it because just like the tight rope walker at the circus... not everything is as it appears. I simply can't. That might be the toughest lesson of all. I'm only one person and, unfortunately, I'm not a super hero. Just a circus act. :-)
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