Yesterday, as I was frantically trying to select and coordinate frames at Aaron Bros. before my child, who was over due for a nap, boarded the train to Melt Down City, I had a fabulous thought about a blog topic. I'd tell you what it was but with J. screeching and running at warp speed through a store full of breakable items with his daddy-turned-parrot in tow repeating "No, J. Don't touch that," I was completely distracted and I forgot it. As quick as I had that thought, it was gone. I actually wonder if it happened or if I just imagined it. A moment of panic set in. I used to be razor sharp. I would remember everything for everyone and now? I'm losing my marbles and I need to find them. Quick. I'm only 30-ish. Could it be early Alzheimer's I thought? Oh no ladies the answer is much simpler. It's a complicated medical condition called Momnesia a.k.a. Pregnancy Brain. It affects hundreds of thousands of women each year and can be quite debilitating--names of your children... gone from memory. Grocery list you used to be able to remember by heart ... a thing of the past. That important meeting at school ... um, what meeting? Don't panic though. The good news is there is treatment. However, before we get to the treatment. Let's discuss the cause.
Bottom line, babies have us fooled. Underneath that cute, cuddly, soft, sweet smelling (sometimes) exterior they are tiny aliens who have come to Earth to suck the brains out of all their hosts. With our natural resources on board their little bodies they begin their quest for total world domination. (Okay, they start with toy domination and work their way up but you get my drift.) Left with a brain void of operating brain cells, mothers everywhere end up wandering around the house like zombies from Shaun of the Dead. OK, at least this is what it felt like at Aaron Bros. Babies, I'm afraid, are the only known cause for Momnesia.
In case you weren't aware, frame selection is a tough task with the multitude of choices, sizes and finishes. It can be overwhelming for anyone but for a sufferer of Momnesia it is downright impossible. Despite my best attempts to ignore the commotion running up and down the aisles, I couldn't seem to formulate a complete thought. I'd start to say something and ... nothing would come out. Reese, the salesperson, looked at me confused. "Can I help you ma'am?" Um, yes. You can start by not calling me ma'am and then you can find me a mat to fit this frame because I don't have the brain power to do it.
This isn't the first time the symptoms have occurred. I have simply been ignoring them hoping this condition would correct itself. I've forgotten my mother-in-law's birthday, to pay bills, my own social security number and conversations with my husband ... 30 seconds after we have them. The other day when I made, what must have been the 100th trip upstairs (tough work for a preggo), and I got to the top of the stairs I forgot why I was there. Infuriated I walked back downstairs only to remember on the last step what I had intended to do/get. It was as if my brain was short circuiting like a computer and that I was only minutes away from getting the blue screen of death. Most sufferers experience these symptoms for a minimum of 9 months and often for a year or possibly two after the alien invasion. Keep an eye out for these symptoms and seek help as soon as your condition has been identified.
It wasn't until dinner that I figured out what was really happening. It's a couple of things, actually. As previously stated, babies are aliens. And we all know from those horrible sci-fi movies we've watched over the years, aliens come with special skills that we mere humans do not possess. First step is to cripple us by sucking our brain cells dry then step two is they continue to control the few we have left. It kinda works like a radio scrambler. Everything is coming in loud and clear and then ... WHAM! The baby/alien starts screaming or whining and your thoughts are suddenly scrambled beyond recognition. Sneaky little crumb suckers.
So on to treatments. In an effort to prevent mothers from wondering where they parked the mothership or who exactly the leader is around here, you must immediately and as frequently as possible mother's need to sleep, focus on one task at a time (ha!), "back up" your brain by commencing the note taking, list making and setting reminders, share your important forget-me-nots via adult conversation preferably with someone less affected than you, and laugh at your forgetfulness as much as possible. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine.
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