Unexpected Losses & Minor Set Backs

It seems that as soon as things seem to be going smoothly we hit a bump or a pothole or are delayed by a unexpected detour.  Such is life but this "bump" did more than delay me ... it derailed me.

Project Reorganize was in full swing when the call I have dreaded my whole life came in. It was a Tuesday a few weeks ago now. It was around lunch and I had just stepped out of the shower to the chirping of my phone ... 6 missed calls. I knew instantly that something was wrong but nothing prepared me for the news. My sister told me what I have dreaded hearing my whole life. My beloved Gramma had been called home. It was like someone just sucker punched me in the gut. She had been in declining health for some time so it shouldn't have come as a surprise but as much as I thought I was "ready" I felt completely blind sided. Nothing really had changed with her conditions that would have signaled that this was coming. It just happened--with no time to say goodbye. Like the snap of a finger. She was gone. And suddenly I felt lost.

Gramma has been my anchor, my rock. I was her first grandchild and our bond was formed as soon as I entered the world. We've had a close relationship for as long as I can remember. She was not just my grandmother but my friend. When I won an award, she was the one I wanted to call first. When I fought with my parents, she listened without judgement. When I went away to college, she moved me in. When I needed to come home on the weekends, she was there waiting outside my dorm. When I needed to know how to cook my first turkey, I called her ... a million times ... from the grocery store ... and then a million more times from my kitchen. When I needed advice, I asked her. When I didn't know I needed advice, she gave it to me anyway. When I wanted reassurance that I was doing the right thing, going to the right school, headed in the right direction, marrying the right man, she was there supporting me. I was always checking for that look of approval. And she was always there to give it to me. Except the few times when I got the "look." You know the one. The one that said "I'm-so-disappointed-that-I-can't-even-say-anything" look.  Thankfully, those were few and far between.

 

I am grateful that we spent so much time together in the end ... even if the end isn't how I want to remember her. I am grateful that, unlike so many I know, I got 32 and a half wonderful years to make memories with her that are etched into my heart. I loved listening to her stories and watching her work the Sunday crossword puzzle in pen (with whiteout) with her sisters Carole and Franny. I loved that she would drive to Las Vegas to see me on a business trip only to end up gambling and taking tequila shots with my co-workers. I loved teaching her the booty dance at my sister's graduation party (I think that's what it was!). Yep, she was that kind of lady. Always up for anything--no matter how crazy it seemed. She was so full of life and one of the kindest people I have ever known. I could fill volumes with my memories but I'll keep them close to comfort me like she always did.

With Mother's Day only a few short weeks away I have thought about her constantly. While I know I could never be as good as she was, I hope that one day my grandchildren feel the same way about me as I do about her. I have every intention to share her legacy and carry on her traditions so that they can have just a little piece of the joy she brought to us. I think that's what she would want.