People are a trip. And I'm not sure I like it anymore.
I used to not pay much attention to the ebb and flow of my relationships because I took for granted that they would always be around. However, in the past few years, I've really noticed how my relationships with people have changed and how people I once felt close to I now am losing respect for which saddens me. Maybe it's the preggo hormones that are making me more sensitive or maybe it's just that I'm tired of people thinking it's okay to treat others poorly, like they are disposable.
I understand that not all relationships come in to your life for life but I guess that I've been fortunate that most of the people whom I would call "good friends" have been friends for 15 years or more. Considering my age, that's something for which I am very proud. I might not see or talk with those people every day as we once did but that's the beauty of good friends... you pick up where you left off. Good friends take you on your good days AND your bad days.
A few years ago I met a person that I thought would become a life long friend. We became close quickly. We had a lot in common and our families traveled the same circles. We enjoyed hanging out together and were planning outings frequently. However, there was a noticeable difference, a turning point if you will, in our friendship after one bad evening on my part. While the details to the night aren't as important as the fact that, in a moment of frustration, I was critical of a particular situation involving this friend. Honestly, I shouldn't have mentioned it but I was frustrated and felt it was appropriate to say. However, I would have let go after getting it off my chest but it seemed that I passed a point of no return and it was the cause for the change. I have no confirmation of this unfortunately because this friend slowly began to ignore me instead of confront the issue and deal with it like I would expect a good friend to do. I don't know why I was surprised because I have watched it happen with this person's other friends but somehow I was shocked. I watched as my invites were turned away for one reason or another and then discovered I was blown off for the new flavor of the month, the new"BFF." Then I watched as invites to events we would have otherwise been at the top of the guest list for suddenly were only extended to our mutual friends. It hurt more than I thought it would and I often debated calling her out on it but felt that it would put undue stress on some mutual parties which I didn't feel was fair so I ignored it which proved to be challenging since we are both regulars on Facebook.
I've watched similar situations unfold with friends and family members. It troubles me each time I see it. It is understood that relationships evolve and that not everyone is here to stay. Sometimes friendships aren't healthy or you are in them for the wrong reasons and you have to cut ties. My head understands that but then own up to that. Speak your peace and lay your cards on the table so there is no question of why things happened. It's the right thing to do even if it's hard to do because you might hurt someone's feelings. To be honest and not be a hypocrite, there are a few friendships that I have "cut loose" where I haven't explained to the other party my reasons for it because I didn't want to hurt their feelings even though they hurt mine--repeatedly in some cases. I'm working on speaking up and dealing with things when they happen to avoid this in the future but am hopefully that I won't have to do it too many more times because it is difficult every time.
While this particular friendship has troubled me for some time I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that, unless this friend wants to address it, nothing will change and I need to let it go. I can't change people. I can only change how I deal with them. Tough to say but it's true. Letting go is probably one of the hardest things for me to do especially when there is a lack of closure. I've struggled with it since I was young. I can remember losing a "best friend" to another girl in 6th grade and how much it affected me. I always need to know why. Over sensitive? Maybe. But in my book a good friend is like family and family is the most important thing.
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